The effects of a kiss
by Blue Roses
Summary: Quatre kisses Trowa, but what will his reaction be? Shounen-ai


The effects of a kiss  
  
By Blue Roses  
  
Email: blue_roses42@hotmail.com  
  
Shonen-ai 3+4 Trowa/Quatre  
  
A/N: I'm a relatively new fan, so I'm sorry if this is a bit ooc. I love Trowa/Quatre! This is my first Gundam fic, and it's a bit sappy, so I appologise.  
  
Warning: This fic is Shonen-ai, or slash, so it contains some scenes that you won't enjoy if you don't like the idea of guys kissing each other. Please don't read it if you don't like that sort of thing.  
  
***  
  
It wasn't often that things threw him so badly off track. Most of his missions he took in his stride, even the first time he killed someone was really nothing to this. He thought it was probably because Quatre cared so much. He allowed himself to take things to heart, to feel whatever events prompted him to.   
  
Trowa knew from experience that feelings hurt, and so he did his best to cut himself off from them. It never occurred to him before that there were people who had not acquired this skill, or felt that it wasn't anything worth doing. If you cut yourself off from emotion, you lost the good as well as the bad, but was the good worth suffering all that pain?  
  
Trowa thought of the blond haired boy, his face solemn. He was trying to weigh up the odds as he did at every turn, finding the best solution and calmly taking it. He usually glided through life as easily as he could.  
  
Today, however, life was not helping him.  
  
Quatre had kissed him.  
  
On the lips.  
  
His brain tried to process that information, but it was on a continuous loop, reliving the sensation, the soft feel of those sweet lips against his.  
  
It didn't help that his brain was imagining other things that those sweet lips could do as well. Was it worth it though? To open himself up to Quatre? He knew that Quatre wouldn't accept him otherwise. It was all or nothing, the blond boy spelt that out clearly enough to Trowa once the kiss had ended.  
  
~~~  
  
"Trowa, I love you. I want to be with you"  
  
Trowa hadn't known what to say. He had stood there mute, in face of the double surprise. First the hesitant kiss which he had responded to enthusiastically, then the revelation.  
  
"Trowa? What.. Say something, please"  
  
He had cleared his throat and tried for his normal tone. "I don't know what to say."  
  
"Say yes or no. I want to be with you, but if I am, I want to know that you feel it too, not that you're just doing it because I'm your friend. You don't have to say anything now, I'll go, let you think it over."  
  
With these softly spoken words Quatre had turned to leave, turning around only once, but the emotion in those large eyes had been unmistakable.  
  
~~~  
  
It wasn't a question of whether he felt something real for Quatre, Trowa knew, but whether he could allow himself to achnowlage his feelings. He didn't want to examine everything he felt, decisions were better mad when emotions didn't play a part.   
  
He knew he would deal with the pain if it came, he was a fighter, a warrior. He didn't know if he wanted to, though. It was odd having to make a choice which would affect his life so much. Soldiers took orders, their leaders were the ones who made the decisions. Soldiers were expected to carry out their missions in the most effective way possible. It they made important decisions, they were split-second live-or-die decisions.   
  
Should he open his heart to Quatre?  
  
/Yes/ he decided. That was what he wanted, and what Quatre wanted. All that remained now was to decide how he was going to carry out his decision. He smiled a tiny smile, relieved at the thought of Quatre's slim body, trying to decide how he would get close to it.  
  
He estimated he had an hour or two before Quatre would return, searching for his answer. He closed his eyes. Until then, indecision and fantasy would be a wonderful thing.  
  
***  
  
Quatre walked and walked, not knowing or thinking about where he was going, just wanting to move and be somewhere else. If he could have walked out of his body and out of his life he thought at that moment he would have. Why had he kissed Trowa? Why had he made those confessions to him?  
  
He did mean them, of course, but he hadn't meant to say them. He'd decided to keep his feelings hidden. He felt too much for Trowa to be able to deal with rejection from him. Trowa's friendship meant a lot to him, he was a kindred spirit, a boy who could fight, and lived the life of missions and secrecy. He didn't want to gamble with the trust that they did have.  
  
Then Quatre's resolve had crumbled. The two friends had been sitting close together on Trowa's bed, discussing their latest mission, and Trowa had turned to face him. As he turned, his hair had brushed against Quatre's face, and Quatre couldn't help but lean in the extra inch and kiss him.  
  
The kiss was perfect. They had both been surprised by it, and Quatre was even more surprised when Trowa kissed him back, but it felt wonderful.  
  
He had to go and say "I love you" after it. He knew as soon as he saw Trowa's face that he'd probably gone too far, but he couldn't stop himself. Trowa never talked about his feelings, but Quatre had to know. He couldn't help but ask. When he saw Trowa's indecision he knew he couldn't live with it. He needed a definite answer, so he left to give Trowa enough time to come up with one.  
  
He was worried that the answer would be no, that for some reason, because of their missions or their live Trowa would refuse him. He knew the brown haired pilot felt something for him, but he didn't know if it was strong enough to want them to be together.  
  
Quatre sighed. Worrying about what Trowa was going to say wasn't helping, he knew, but he couldn't help thinking about it, running through in his mind the different ways it could go. He took a deep breath.   
  
He should be getting back. Looking at his watch he thought he had given Trowa enough time to come to a decision.  
  
Smothering his reluctance, he made his way back.   
  
/Just think of it as another mission/ he told himself, but he couldn't bring himself to believe it.  
  
***  
  
When Quatre reached the house they were staying in it was almost dark. He climbed the stairs to Trowa's room and pushed open the door.   
  
Trowa was sitting still on his bed when he entered, but he opened his eyes at Quatre's arrival.   
  
When Quatre reached Trowa, he opened his moth to ask him what his decision was, but he was stopped by Trowa's finger on his lips.  
  
Trowa looked at the blond boy and realised that there was only one was he could make his answer. He replaced his finger with his lips and kissed Quatre softly.  
  
"Yes" he breathed.  
  
That was the only word Quatre needed to hear. He kissed Trowa back, and Trowa realised that whatever happened, it was worth feeling everything to feel this.  



End file.
